Microsoft is not the answer, it's the question...

[Aleksej V.]

...and the answer is NO.

Hallo,

http://www.computer-web.info/rx20/c_stuff/witze.php
na, die seite ist neu, aber besser geht's nicht: Microsoftwitze!!!!
ok, ok es gibt im web millionen davon, aber ist doch immer wieder lüstig - über den "Feind" zu lachen.

Grüße aus Düsseldorf,--
Aleksej

[Axel Richter]

...and the answer is UNIX?.

Hallo,

man haben die einen Bart. Wie die hier:

Here is a list I compiled of UNIX commands that return witty error messages.
Some of the commands don't return the same error messages, depending
which OS you're running (ie SunOS, HP/UX, Ultrix, etc.). Have fun!

Note that the '%' prompt indicates the C shell, while the '$' prompt
indicates the Bourne shell.  Go ahead and try some ...

If you know of any other funny UNIXisms that aren't here, please send them to

[e-mail]

+------------------------------ cut here -----------------------------------+

% make fire
   Make:  Don't know how to make fire.  Stop.

% why not?
   No match.

% gotta light?
   No match.

% !1984
   1984: Event not found.                  # (on some systems)

% How's my lovemaking?
   Unmatched '.

% "How would you rate Bush's incompetence?
   Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
   Missing ].

% [Where is my brain?
   Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
   Modifier failed.

% ^How did the sex change operation go?
   Bad substitute.

% If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?
   Too many ('s.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
   man:: Too many arguments.

% %blow
   %blow: No such job.

% (-
   (-: Command not found.

% sh
   $ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
   no sense in pretending!

$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
   matter: cannot create

% cd /tmp
   % touch this; chmod 000 this
   % ln -s /usr/bin/touch U
   % U this
   U: cannot touch this: no write permission

% rm meese-ethics
   rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

% cd ~god
   Unknown user: god.

% ar m God
   ar: God does not exist

% make love
   Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
   bad character

% ^What is saccharine?
   Bad substitute.

% drink < bottle; opener
   bottle: cannot open
   opener: not found

% alias alias alias
   alias: Too dangerous to alias that.

% cat catfood
   cat: cannot open catfood

% cat "food in cans"
   cat: can't open food in cans

% nice man woman
   No manual entry for woman.

% man pussy
   No manual entry for pussy.

% rm God
   rm: God nonexistent

% ar r God
   ar: creating God

% Unmatched ".
   Unmatched ".

% write desert
   desert is not logged on.

% man you
   No manual entry for you.

% !bluemoon
   bluemoon: Event not found.

% scan for <<"Arnold Schwarzenegger"^J^D
   "Arnold Schwarzenegger": << terminator not found

% cat 'the can of tuna'
   cat: cannot open the can of tuna

% rm Quayle-brains
   rm: Quayle-brains nonexistent

% cat "door: paws too slippery"
   cat: cannot open door: paws too slippery

% look into "my eyes"
   look: cannot open my eyes

% lost
   lost: not found

% make war
   Make:  Don't know how to make war.  Stop.

% mkdir yellow_pages; cat > yellow_pages
   yellow_pages: Is a directory

%touch me
   %chmod 000 me
   %touch me
   touch: cannot touch me: permission denied

% ar x "my love life"
   ar: my love life does not exist

% ar x "matey, the treasure"
   ar: matey, the tresure does not exist

% talk Gorvachev@Kremlin
   talk: Kremlin: Can't figure out network address.

% talk Comrade Khruchev
   [Your party is not logged on]

make "bottle open"
   make "heads or tails of all this"
   make love
   make mistake
   make sense
   man woman
   man -kisses dog

% echo'[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]sb3135071790101768542287578439snlbxq'|dc
   GET A LIFE!

% ping elvis.rice.edu | awk '{print substr($1,1,5), $2, $3}'
   elvis is alive

% finger [e-mail]
   Unknown host

% finger huge-keg-party@big-house
   Unknown host

* % make ' ' bang ' ' with gun
* make: Fatal error: Don't know how to make target ` '

% rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

% ar m God
ar: God does not exist

% "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% (-
(-: Command not found.

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink < bottle; opener
bottle: cannot open
opener: not found

$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create

;-))

Gruß

Axel